Criminals aren’t typically winning awards for being an Einstein, but you would expect them to have some bit of self-awareness. NOPE. Not in these cases. In fact, these criminals are so inept, you might consider their crimes “brainless.”
Without further ado, here are 9 of the dumbest criminals that committed brainless crimes:
#1 Gotta Get A Selfie!
Benjamin Robinson and Daniel Hutchinson were so proud of themselves for jacking thousands of pounds from slot machines that they stopped to take a selfie! After posting the pics, they were quickly arrested and admitted to it right away. I mean…how could they not? Benny boy got 32 months and Danny got a suspended sentence.
#2 A Bath Salt Christmas
Terry Trent was feeling in the holiday mood. He was also extremely high on bath salts when he broke into a family’s home, put up Christmas decorations, and then plopped down on the couch to watch some TV.
#3 Oily Oily Oxen Free
A Florida man was arrested for smuggling 15 quarts of oil down his pants.
#4 Surprise! It’s A Cop Party!
Two genius thieves, Joseph McInnis III, and Tyree McCoy decided they would stage an armed robbery in the kitchen of a pub. The only problem? The front of the house was hosting a retirement party for a police officer and the place was packed with them. Whoopsies! The criminals gave chase but were promptly followed by throngs of cops.
#5 The Bearded Bandits
Would-be thieves, McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20 were arrested after witnesses reported seeing two men attempting to break into a home sporting… you guessed it, fake beards. But what’s even better? They added to the effect by literally scribbling on their faces with a marker. Yeah, dude…sick “mask.”
#6 A Fishy Situation
As if relieving yourself in Walmart isn’t rock bottom enough, David Wylie, 56, of Tennessee, decided to take it a step further. He marched over to the meat section and stuck a trout down his pants. Officers stated when they arrested the man, he was highly intoxicated and likely to keep committing further crimes within the store. Uh, really?!
#7 Stick Em’ Up! Here’s My Address
The award for dumbest criminal in history goes to Dean Smith, 27, who gave the bank he robbed his address. But, hold on. There’s an explanation. You see, when Dean went into the bank it was simply to change his address. Then he spotted all that juicy cash in the teller’s till. He returned minutes later in his “disguise” and was quickly recognized by the teller that had just served him.
#8 A One-in-a-Million Bill
The largest tender in circulation in the United States is the $100 bill. However, this didn’t stop 53-year-old Michael Anthony Fuller from trying to change Walmart’s mind! Fuller attempted to use the fake cash to buy everyday items like a vacuum and microwave. Hey, at least the guy is frugal. He was arrested waiting for his $999,524 in change.
#9 It Wign’t Me!
One of the best disguises in the world is a wig, right? It couldn’t possibly be plastic surgery, or even dying your own hair like the movies tell us. Not according to Robert “Bobby” Walls. He knew the cops were looking for him and had even surrounded his home. That’s when they witnessed a man matching his description exit the residence on a bicycle, wearing a wig. He was arrested without incident.